Chipotle Mexican Grill is a chain Mexican restaurant that shockingly is American and actually serves Mexican food instead of Tex-Mex. It is in that little downtown strip mall that’s right across from the Eaton Centre, with its own entrance that connects to the street.
The line-up is long, the hype is large, just like any bad place I ever went to, so I was skeptical, like I always am. Since I was the first of my family to sit down, I should talk about the decor of the joint first.
The fake Mayan art [can you tell the difference between the Mayans, Incans, and the Aztecs? I’ll give you the general difference down below] was a neat touch and better than stereotyped sombrero, and I’ll forgive them for the incomplete ceiling, since it wasn’t that big a deal anyway. One big complaint I have is the loud music, I mean rock concerts are quieter! It seems one of many urban restaurant trends that people like to lose their hearing when eating. The summer festival in my neighbourhood of Little India is okay because the noise is outside and has somewhere to GOOOO [although too often that is directly towards the library], instead of bouncing around like a flashlight in a hall of mirrors blinding people. Needless to say, I wore my winter hat so the puffy parts would plug my ears.
There are different bottles of hot sauce everywhere, including milder jalapeño sauce, tabasco pepper, and smoked chipotle tabasco sauce. All three were delicious, the jalapeño added taste to food instead tons of spice, the pepper sauce was the hottest and gave a real powerful bite, my favourite is the smoked chipotle tabasco, which really did give a smoky quality, and some heat as well. My family had burritos and tacos, I honestly haven’t tried the tacos, but I did eat an entire chipotle burrito.
Anyone who knows what that is knows that it is a giant thing with the probably half the mass of a human head, and the size of a full one [anyone who doesn’t know the difference between mass and size needs to review their physics a bit], stuffed with wonderful, grilled chicken, savoury sauce as a compliment, and some rice to boot.
I felt a little like Godzilla taking on King Ghidorah [don’t worry about the Japanese, that building that got smashed was the center of taxes. Kind Ghidorah is the foam rubber dragon by the way.]
This burrito was so big, it could’ve been used as a way to die by the Deathnote. That’s more Japanese pop culture, but I basically said the next cheesy installment of Final Destination could have someone die by eating the giant, delicious burrito from Chipotle.
Their tortilla dips were also home runs, the guacamole was clearly cooked instead of made artificially, and it shows incredibly, the salsa was alright but medium spice didn’t have much heat for me.
All in all, Chipotle Burrito, while unnecessarily loud, has great, healthy fast food to offer, certainly better than McDonald’s regardless.
Now about those Mayans and so on. The Mayans were thousands of years before the other two guys, and they built huge city-states, and died out/evolved into the Aztecs and Incans, who lived to see the conquistadors turn their land and the rest of the world into a giant Risk board for the microscopic continent of Europe [if they didn’t sort of have Russia and the north-west parts of The Middle East then they’d be really small]. The two cultures were very different, warring with each other not quite for land or death toll, but for live captives so they could offer up human sacrifices to their brat gods, much like the Mayans did years before. The Aztecs were sort of like the Mayans in my point of view, and the Incans are the ones who were rumoured in colonial/conquistador times to have El Dorado, the City of Gold, which is probably one hundred percent false.
I don’t know what’s up for next time, but it might be more proof that Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America [maybe like the fact that people called Native Americans found it in the Ice Age, practically before ‘white man’ existed?]. Bye for now.
Chipotle Mexican Grill 323 Yonge Street