Big House Pizza


Big House Pizza exterior

The big house. Only one phone call, bad food, everyone hates you, bars all around you, oh wait, that’s what happens when you commit a felony, not when you go out for pizza!

As a newly opened and popular pizza joint, the only arresting Big House Pizza will be doing is cardiac arrest, what with their giant pizzas filled with gourmet toppings.

Interior of Big House Pizza including their wall of celebrity mug shots

Interior of Big House Pizza including their wall of celebrity mug shots

The seating was clean, and there was a really large wall of stars from The Good [Morgan Freeman, who was charged with drunk driving, but later discredited.   And Kiefer Sutherland actually had a drinking problem which lead to an assault charge, but he sobered up] The Bad [Michael Jackson, no comment on whether or not he really did do anything bad, I’ll get controversial in a moment] and The Ugly [O.J. Simpson, who ironically was turned down for the role of The Terminator for being too nice].

Lots of imaginative choices

Lots of imaginative choices

The menu had classier-than-usual puns such as Rob ‘The Jerk’ Ford [for non-Torontonians who don’t know who he is, he’s a lazy, cheap to the point of causing car accidents, dirty, homophobic, loves McDonald’s-so-much-he-literally-gave-the-key-to-the-city-to-the-owner-of-Mickey D’s disgusting slob of a mayor, I don’t care if his supporters hate me for saying that, people also supported George W. Bush and Adolf Hitler, so there.

image courtesy of

image courtesy of

Wow that was a long bracket. If you forgot I was naming some of the clever names on the menu] the Rocky Balboa [filled with meat and hot peppers] and the John A McDonald [basically a Big Mac on a pizza but with higher class meat and veggies].

Nana's "Get Him to the Greek" without the peppers and onions

Nana’s “Get Him to the Greek” without the peppers and onions

I had the Rocky Balboa [Sylvester Stallone wasn’t on the wall of celebs because he was never arrested] Pizza, and my family picked the [forgot what you picked, sorry] and The Greek, which I didn’t try since there was no way I’d like it.

The Rocky Balboa Chili Philly Cheese Steak

The Rocky Balboa Chili Philly Cheese Steak

The Balboa was amazing, the cream cheese sauce worked very well as a tomato sauce substitute, somehow, and the meat pieces were huge and very generous, not to mention just plain quality.

Quality ingredients, generous quantities

Quality ingredients, generous quantities

The basics, such as the cheese and taste of the crust, were equally as great, and not flavourless like that crap Pizza Pizza regurgitates. I tasted the [mom’s – Editor’s note: I had the Jimmy “Margheritaville” Buffet) and it worked as well, but it wasn’t my favourite, I’d recommend it for people with smaller appetites, although it wouldn’t really matter since you’ll probably take something home anyway if everyone has their own pizza.

Jimmy "Margheritaville" Buffet - Editor's note: Delish!!

Jimmy “Margheritaville” Buffet – Editor’s note: Delish!!

I also tried their Brio soda, which is made supposed to be made from some kind of Italian fruit [learned it on Wikipedia], but is actually made just from water, and different types of sugars and chemicals, as well as carbon [but fortunately not Mentos]. They had a strong, sort of sweet/peppery taste, sort of like homemade root beer, that was overpowering by itself but worked brilliantly as a sweet counter to a salty/savoury meal.

Next time we'll stick with Coke

Next time we’ll stick with Coke

Like other places I have been to, the staff knows about my blog, and I gave an honest critique. Like before, regardless if I liked them or not, I made sure there was some helpful criticism. My advice to Big House Pizza would be to keep the same spirit you had when you first opened, it got you into excellent shape for newcomers [some places I’ve been to that just opened looked a little shoddy or had terrible food, your place looks like it’s been open way longer than just a few weeks], since it got you this far. Good luck and best of wishes.

Big House Pizza 962 Danforth Avenue
Big House Pizza on Urbanspoon


About callumeatstoronto

Hi, my name is Callum. Even though I am only 17 years old, I have been working on my palette and enjoy many foreign foods. I've been doing this blog for a a few years now, mostly for family-owned restaurants in Toronto. As I've gotten familiar with this whole blogging thing, I've started to add posts on other food related topics and not just do restaurant critiques. My interests include; space, astro-physics, Sci-Fi, dinosaurs and of course Food. I hope you enjoy my blog!

One response »

  1. What a creative menu! I have never had cream cheese on a pizza…. Would never have tried it, but since you’re recommending it I may give it a shot!

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