As you may or may not know, Big Chubby’s was one of my favorite burger restaurants. In fact, I even helped along the new place when they took my advice on fixing the decor that was turning off some pedestrians, so I really liked the place that was there before The Burgernator showed up. Which meant I was like old Arnie was in the 80s: no mercy.
The theme, which revolved around eliminating enemies and conquering the city, as well as weapons and war, might just make Michael Moore take back what he said about Canadians being peaceful [if G20 didn’t already, or with what the oil sands are doing to the environment, look, it’s CallumpolitcizesToronto!], but I noticed something more subtle as well.
The Burgernator is reminiscent of The Burger Priest: flat top cooking, some crazy-a$$ [as if dollar signs actually censor it] challenge burger with a triple patty and grilled cheese sandwich buns, and that sleek modern decor. It also had the other feeling, oh, what was it called? Oh yeah, OVER-HYPE.
I would’ve gotten the Jamaican to compare with Big Chubby’s if it weren’t for the fact that I had a horrible memory of the time my grandmother thought Jamaican hot sauce was used as a spread for wraps [it wasn’t too spicy, it just tasted terrible], so I got the Challenge.
I think the lady off camera was right when she said it was the size of my head. First off, a bit better than The Burger Priest’s because the burgers weren’t small sliders, and actually had a good width, that includes the Challenge and the regular sized stuff, but to actually divide the meat into patties is an insult to measuring, CLUMPS OF MEAT SHOVED INTO GREASY AT-LEAST-IT’S-NOT-WONDER-BREAD-BUNS: ISN’T A PATTY, UNLESS IT’S BEEN DIVIDED INTO SMALLER PIECES FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN’T CHEW RIGHT!!!!!!!!
As if that wasn’t enough, my toppings were drowning in the equivalent of three patties of meat that was bland, the only flavour was beef, there was no grilled taste, no spices in the mix, and it wasn’t halal, so it was just an average dead roasted cow. Moo. I tend to not like average fare in the burger world because, if you do actually travel more than a few blocks from your current location to get it, then average doesn’t compete with the big fellas like Big Smoke’s or Burger Stomper, gaaagh I can’t even put Big Chubby’s in that list anymore! So that means it wasn’t worth the public transportation fare that was sacrificed to get here, let alone the fact I almost got hit by who’s probably next year’s Canada’s Worst Driver if I hadn’t jumped back in time.
The one good thing I can say is that their fries are actually homemade and paired with a tasty Aioli, but you can find that at The Works [maybe they’ll be the new guys on that list].
The Burgernator basically wants to terminate all the alleged scum in Toronto’s burger world, which is as phony as George Bush’s election, as the cake from Portal, as Megan Fox’s face! If they do monopolize burgers, it’ll look a lot like the wasted world from the terminator with all its one-and-the-same-robots–boring.
The Burgernator is terrible, and if they do come from the future, then their technology should be stored in some secret government base, far, far away from anyone who can use it to conquer the world [maybe using fry-net] with lame-o burgers. I hope they won’t be back.
I think you understand how I feel about this place. That’s all I have to say.