First off, I think my subscribers and anyone reading this post recently would like me to mention something about the fact that it is 2014, the year when no doubt some science fiction book or movie takes place and has us living on Mars with flying cars and no war or famine. It was nice to be able to have a new year without people blaring about
The Mayan calendar, or Book of Revelations, or the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, not to mention the Aliens that would be coming back after having built the pyramids thousands of years ago, which made the holidays a little less doomsday than last year’s last year’s December [or the last holiday season before the one we just had… I think we’re all still stuck in 2013 even though it isn’t].
Hopefully this year will be better than last year and all that, but seriously, what could get weirder than finding out the world has been spied on, having Rob Ford openly admit to smoking crack, ex-basketball star Dennis Rodman become best friends with murderous dictator Kim Jong Un, and all the good stuff with Chris Hadfield [I actually can’t remember anything else that was good, but maybe that is just because I’m really into space stuff].
Another new thing is the Real Jerk, which I had frankly given up all hope on after a year or so. It had to move because someone apparently thought ‘why eat delicious foreign food when you can get drunk and perpetuate offensive Irish stereotypes?’ and put down an Irish pub in place of the island restaurant [don’t think Irish pubs are offensive?
See them on Saint Patty’s day, the completely false usage of green [four-leaved clovers were traditionally blue [ooooh, brackets within brackets within brackets, bracket-ception]] and the horrible fake Irish accents…ugh]. Yes, we’re out of all the brackets now]. That last one was just to mess with you.
The new location is closer to home, and is a bit of a smaller space but still pretty big for a restaurant, don’t forget the old place had the second floor. The old staff is back, the old food is back, everything is back.
As for the food, it is still delicious.
I had a beef patty as an appetizer, and if you’re thinking its just like the ones sold at coffee shops or fast food restaurants, you’re wrong, dead wrong. Even the pastry was better than that crap, as it was flaky and had flavour that complimented the filling. As for the meat, it is excellent, with a creamy texture and spice to boot. It is great as a big-but-not-too-filling appetizer.
For the entree, I had the roti, which despite its gargantuan size, I finished. The meat is tender with a little firmness to chew, and in good, medium chunks: not too big to swallow but enough to fill your mouth. There were potatoes as well, which added variety and also carried the sauce well. Which brings me to a point, the curry was delicious, it was spicy, bursting with flavour and covered the inside of the roti. Just like the patty, even the pastry was above average.
My grandmother had the cod fritters, which are deep-fried dough balls with fish inside. They are greasy in a tasty way: not disgusting or anything, and I think the fish is mixed in with the batter. Regardless, they go perfectly with the tomato dipping sauce and are a great fried item on the menu, but for some reason I find them very filling, in that I can only eat a few of them but can eat large proportions of other foods. This isn’t the chef’s fault, I’m like that with all battered fish and it’s probably because I don’t eat much in the way of breaded or deep-fried stuff, [or it’s my stomach singling out one type of food to remind me that it does have a bottom] but I still enjoy eating them.
Both her and my mom had chicken curry rice, and it is just as good as the roti. A little bit similar, but presented differently and probably less filling then the pastry version, so there are options for gluttons and weight-watchers alike [ha, ha, you’re watching your weight while eating at The Real Jerk! pro tip: you’re gonna lose]. Also, you can get ox-tail gravy with anything, and the staff won’t think you’re weird, [well, they will but they won’t say anything]. That also brings me to another point.
The staff is very friendly with a good dose of sarcastic humour, which makes them feel more warm and genuine. They check up often enough but not so frequently they’re invasive, and help make customers feel relaxed. They did a good job bringing in eaters I find. As for the decor, is similar to the old place, with reggae and rab [oh, it’s called R and B and not rab? that makes more sense], and the windows with that heavy yellow tint on the them.
For entertainment seekers, there is the bar, which does have a liquor license, and televisions showcase buff men in their underwear hugging and rolling on the floor violently [at least when they have MMA on*, but they have sports TV, and when we were there it was skiing].
*I know what you were thinking, kind of changes your perspective on wrestling now, doesn’t it. You can blame the dirty thinking on my mother, she’s the one who planted that thought in my head.
To sum up, The new Real Jerk is just as good as the old place, with great food, great staff, great location and great everything in general [MacArthur]. There is even an add-on bar, which is ironic because the Real Jerk was forced to close down because of a bar, but oh well, but what is more ironic than NASA not being able to build a Apollo rocket because nobody kept any of the plans.
Bye bye for now.
The Real Jerk 842 Gerrard Street East